I feel like I battle sui thoughts constantly, and never really know or admit to know if I'm at a dangerous point with the thoughts. At my last session with my T, he told me that thinking about SUI is safer than actually doing anything to hurt myself. Which I understand that part, but I feel like I'm in the gray area of that. I tried explaining it to my T during that session but didn't fully explain where I'm at. I'm afraid of admitting to my pdoc on Monday where I'm at because he threatens the hospital at every visit. I was also just recently hospitalized at the beginning of December for 10 days (7 days on the medical floor and 3 days at a psych hospital). In the last year I've been hospitalized in the psych hospital 3 different times for severe SH that's been impulsive and once for being septic from SH. I've been able to be mostly honest with my T about my thoughts, but fear he'll terminate if I keep discussing these thoughts. I'm also unsure of when to reach out to T about it between sessions even though he tells me it's okay for me to call.