Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
Curbing his thoughts - That would be changing who he is as a person. That is not possible. He is who he is. He is married to you, but he is not your partner. He does not sound like he is your friend.
If you did not find who he was as a person acceptable to you, why did you marry him? I really think it is no use arguing about who is right or wrong now. You can "have" all the standards you want. You are the one not following them. You have to do the difficult thing here. Not whine that you expect it of others.
Im still mad at him for not spending thanksgiving with your family. He knows hes a scoundrel. He cant even face them.
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Hi Una! Sorry if I haven't been very clear. Let me make some corrections here. I am not trying to change who he is as a person.. I love him dearly for all that he is.
He knew what i believe in and need from a partner when we first started dating. i made it clear then that porn is a dealbreaker for me within the first several dates. He said he would give it up for me. He also is the one who stated outright to me, without me prodding him, that he no longer would have sexual thoughts about other women. That he is mine and mine alone. That all came from his initiative, not from me trying to change him or control him in any way.
We married because we love each other deeply, we're very compatible partners and we have similar goals and desires in life. We are friends, and we are partners. We're partners in crime, lol. We're kind of like two comfy peas in a pod a lot of the time.
And thanks for being angry on my behalf about Thanksgiving. That was very upsetting for me. He spent Christmas with my family instead and made up for it x 100. He was most charming, outgoing and engaging with my family. They felt better, and I felt better. So at least there's that.
Ultimately, I need to get over my insecurity issues and I am going to really work hard at it now. I was very scared recently that he would leave me as a result, and that was most sobering. It woke me up to my own behaviors and the problems I've been causing for him in our marriage. I need to shape up now.