What you are describing is the child that needed to be in charge of "the games" and gets uncomfortable unless that happens. This can take shape when a child grows up with a controlling presence that will even spank them if they don't behave and they must do as they are told. This can also develop when a child grows up where a parent is an alcoholic in that often that child suffered in that they could not control how the parent behaved, hense that child becomes a controlling adult.

Actually, I have experienced teachers that teach because they enjoy "the control" they have when they are teaching. Constantly "directing" and "correcting" brings that individual a sense of control. Often this sense of control fills a hole for the lack of control that individual experienced as a child. There are teachers that are ALWAYS right and you can't talk back, it's simply not allowed. Often an individual will teach something where there is only really one way to know it and you either get it right or you are wrong and that way they have all the answers which gives them the control they like to have. (not all teachers need this kind of dominance). Another place this happens is individuals who become psychiatrists and psychologists that tend to be the dominant presence with their patients.

It sounds like your husband likes to have a presence that is a lot like the "hanging onto mother's apron strings" type. He grew up needing direction and looking for approval for following direction. Your husband sounds like the type that can feel threatened if "his" controlling presence isn't putting all their focus on him. With this new challenge your husband is presenting you, it is threatening your total need for control. When that happens you experience a deep trigger where you feel the vulnerable you HATE to feel. That is most likely the hole you never filled and you protect it by having to possess all the control.

You titled your thread with "Falling in love". From what you have shared it sounds like what you "love" is having the control itself. For you, this isn't even about "sex" either, instead it's about the "control" itself. You thrive on control and if that is threatened, you begin to feel that hole you developed as a child that always made you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. When someone describes "if I don't have this I have a void", this can come from something in one's past that created this void in the first place.