Oh T, I feel so completely devastated that you're getting married and I can't explain why! I don't think I'm gay but I guess I'm in love with you in a sense, so maybe that's the reason. Or maybe it's more from a childlike place, fearful of losing you to a partner that I will never know about, not getting the same attention as before because you'll be besotted by him. It's pretty messed up whatever the reason. I can't stop shaking. I feel absolutely awful. I know I need to talk about this with you. I just feel I want to back away from you and not care anymore.