Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
Ok, I thought I made it clear in my last post. My husband is NOT a porn addict. What you're doing is putting MORE fear into my mind by making me worry about things that are NOT EVEN HAPPENING. I have to trust him at his word, He does NOT and WILL NOT use porn, because I have asked him not to. He was NOT a porn addict when we met! For the love of God,
He plays a game on his phone. So what? I don't care. Aren't we all addicted to the internet these days? I am constantly on the internet.
Why are people creating problems in my marriage that don't even exist?
We're fine, all is fine. I am over it. It's all good. And I said that I am happy. I am seriously scratching my head now over the replies on here.  |
The dangers of a mental health site . . . lots of armchair therapists. LOL!
I don't see that your husband is anything beyond pretty normal. I don't see him as a porn addict, nor do I even see having used a bit more on your credit card than initially agreed all that alarming since you are married.
I hear you saying you tend to question him probably far more than he deserves due to your own trust issues, and the few things you have brought up are just examples of things that trigger your feelings of distrust -- just examples you were giving.
You do seem to be trying to communicate how you are anxious about your relationship with your husband because you appear pretty insecure about your own ability to just shut down your own admitted paranoia related to trust issues stemming from you past relationships. Is that fairly accurate?
From personal experience: My husband was quite similar in his relationship anxieties at times. As the subject of those suspicions and anxieties, I can say it was a bit maddening at times to feel like I was constantly having to prove myself to him, and I often felt like he wouldn't let me have my own sense of privacy because he seemed to be suspicious of anything I did privately (like just journaling or going to the store alone - totally innocent things).
I would encourage you to avoid any accusations and questioning if you can. Rather than accuse or question (if that is what you tend to do), phrase things from your own perspective - just an example: "I am feeling anxious right now because in the past X used his phone to text with his girlfriend." Stop there. Don't go the step further by adding "and so, are you texting a girl?" That's an accusation and doesn't sit well.
What my husband learned to do was to simply communicate where his anxiety was coming from without adding on the accusations. That opened up a line of conversation between us; he could get his anxiety off his chest, and once he voiced it, he discovered the anxiety subsided. It sometimes is the accusations and invasion of privacy that sets off resentment and anger, so learning how to stay focused on your own trust issues without turning them on you husband might help over time.