It was probably a challenge for you to have this thread in that it puts you in a vulnerable position. Maybe the hole doesn't have to be so giant. Maybe you can compromise with your husband about this. Have you explained to him that it's not this person you love, but the role you play that is what you "love"? What you love is being the person who has complete control.

Actually, I read about you and this became your way of making up for all the control you never experienced as a child? It there a giant hole if you can't have all the power and control? Or is this what compromises your personal sense of total safety?