I deleted my previous response because it was too preachy (I really need to curb that habit). I wish I could help you with resources about medications and side effects, so that you don't have to constantly add medications which have their own side effects. I hope you can find your way back to yourself. I've read in other thread you mention that you have visions. We should talk about that as I grew up with those experiences myself and have a lot of stories. I may start a thread here to invite others to share their stories. Not sure anyone will but I will put it out there.

If art interests you, I found an art gallery in Portland run by an artist who has bipolar depression.