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Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf
The university kids laughing from nearly getting hit by cars is nothing compared to how they drink themselves to the point of vomiting every single weekend. Recklessness and inattentiveness to surroundings often seems to accompany extroversion. I would tremble and cry if it happened to me, then likely berate myself for my foolishness. I'm still working on the negative spirals following errors. That really was an odd date. It's really disturbing that someone lives that much for a social media platform. And that so many people in your area seem already halfway Borgified. The attitude of such people is hardly uncommon but most aren't so open and proud about it. I'm not sure how familiar you are with the concept of trans-humanism, but my guess is that there are a lot of adherents out there.
My sister isn't along those lines, at least as far as I know because we haven't spoken in years. She's more of a child-minded narcissist, like a spoiled seven-year old who pouts if she doesn't get her way. She gives introverted tantrums of the silent treatment or social withdrawal rather than the yelling and screaming types of extroverted narcissists. But she does have a rigidly hierarchical view of people, and holds herself to be an exceptional human being. Textbook NPD. I've come to pity rather than resent such people, because surface-deep is all they can ever comprehend or feel. I can't imagine life without depth. I can't imagine spending time in nature and seeing objects rather than a complex web of interconnected and interdependent life, to which we're connected both physically and spiritually. I certainly don't want to make anyone uncomfortable with these views, but this spiritual connection has both saved and enriched my life.
I haven't seen your other threads but I'll check it out. Those conditions are abhorrent and should never exist anywhere, and most certainly not in one of the wealthiest regions of one of the wealthiest of the world's nations. No one of moral character can think it's okay or deserved that people should have to live that way. No one has chosen it. People fall when they feel that no one cares about them, that they have no place to belong no matter what they do, that nothing inside them is worth fighting for.
Policy changes can only take firm hold when we finally have a major cultural shift. The "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality, the lie of meritocracy, and so much else related to those things poisons our culture and ensures greater and greater divisions. People are more isolated than ever before, and the feeling of hopelessness regarding personal and collective future well-being is playing out worldwide in so many ways: violence, intoxication, extremism in all forms, and many more. Nations with the highest inequality are experiencing the worst results. Ideology, not evidence, stands in the way of moves towards greater egalitarianism. Those who oppose a more equal society really need to think about why they think such privilege/lack of privilege should exist.
Those prescription prices are staggering! Brits would certainly say the same of ours, though in a negative way. Especially the free surgery and intensive treatments. Other nations have been able to come together to make these essential moves but America faces so much internal opposition to the most basic steps, and only harms itself. I really don't get it no matter how hard I try to understand. The UK could make those changes after a near-apocalypse, yet our federal government has been shut down repeatedly over attempts to repeal a moderate healthcare act.
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What I do not understand is that yes, university students seem to binge-drink into oblivion here, but I meet regularly people in their 30s and 40s and 50s who do this. Not just the woman with whom I went on my last date, but just middle-aged people who are acting like teenagers. I say this as someone who drinks quite regularly, i.e. at least every couple of days, but I never binge-drink. One meetup there was one of my acquaintances who is now 31 ordered so many shots of whiskey that his total bar bill came up to almost $150. And yes, he is extroverted. So these types of bizarre behaviours are somehow tied in with extroversion.
That date was odd. And just another one that was very unpleasant. Of course this was the same date whose Instagram also later had pictures about nightclubs and posts about vomiting from binge-drinking. I have basically subconsciously tied in the entire concept of dating with feeling unpleasant and depressed. I have never went on a date where I felt comfortable or enjoyed it. I know that it is a necessary step, but I often feel hopeless. Like I am just against a brick wall no matter what I try.
People are semi-machinic here, and not in the autistic way. Rather, in the deliberate, tech way. They want to be like the computers and software that they code. I have not heard of transhumanism, so I would have to look it up.
Anything where someone feels superior to all the rest sounds like at least some degree of narcissism. I seem to have the opposite, that everyone else is superior to me. But still, I seem to meet people who sound like they have NPD.
Where I live, that bootstraps rubbish saying is basically what people say to each other. "I have mine, so ***** everyone else" is the mindset. I think that this is why I am having such a ridiculously hard time not only dating, but just making friends in general. I live in a city that has as big an income disparity as third world cities like São Paulo, Brazil and Bombay, India.
I have been obsessed with STIs since I was basically 10. I remember seeing news footage and PSAs from the 1980s about AIDS. It scared me so much that even throughout my entire life no matter that I felt bad about being a virgin, I was also petrified of if I had the opportunity to have sex that I would mess up, or that a woman would lie to me, and that I would end up with AIDS. I still have this fear to this day. I still have not kissed a woman yet. As a teenager I was convinced that AIDS was spread via kissing, and now I no longer believe that. But still, I feel that my fears inhibit having a proper love life.
When I lived in England, actually that was not the best case for the entire UK. Scotland offer prescriptions for totally free, regardless of age. The Scottish actually make fun of the English for having that small prescription fee. I can only imagine what they would say about this country.
My self-confidence has taken a serious beating in the past week. I felt like I was steadily getting better, then collapsed (figuratively) since Christmas. I feel alone, unloved and unwanted. It would take someone with seriously thick skin to have self-confidence in this situation.
To make an analogy, it is like an arm-wrestling match between my self-perception and self-esteem on one side, and the criticism, isolation and unhappiness on the other side.
Since I am often wanton to quantify things concretely with numbers, if I had to estimate my self-esteem and self-confidence as it was increasing pre-Christmas, it would probably be around 65/100. Right now it is probably around 25/100.