You will feel like this. You're crying out to make it all okay again and go back to familiar territory with him. It's a misplaced way of trying to correct the past and get the care you need. However, you know deep down you this won't work and you won't feel any better long term. Sure, on a short term level it will be a relief to go back, but very soon you'll be unhappy again because you can't change another person. It's just like being in any sort of unhappy or abusive relationship. I tried leaving my ex many times and ended up going back, only for more unhappiness. I grieved when I finally left, but it was a relief too and I've never looked back.

Try and resist your emotional urges and see them what they are - conditioned cravings for more of the same. You'd be going back to unhappiness. You can't change your T. If anything he might be even worse knowing he has more power over you (if he's truly that way inclined).

If you can sit these temptations out, you WILL feel better in the long term, more empowered and able to find people who really can help you.