Hi,


I am sorry you are experiencing some marital distress.


When there are ongoing problems, one of the big questions is: which one of us is going to leave?

This question is decided in different ways for different situations.


In relationships, we each must take responsibility for our own behaviors. Did you ever consider the fact that your violent behavior, that of kicking the walls, might be contributing to the volatility and to the demise of your marriage?


If you need medication for anxiety, then get the medication, if you can do so. At some point, if you want to stay as healthy and as sane as possible , you might consider leaving, even if only until things cool down?


If he is violent and/or abusive, you might consider having him removed from the home? Under certain circumstances, the police can help with this. Just be aware of the fact that you, too, are subject to the same criteria for your behaviors.


Another option for you, to help you to end this pattern and to get back on your feet, might be to go to a women's shelter for awhile?


When couples are at odds and act out their anger physically, by raging, by kicking walls, destroying property, by making one another and/or children to fear them, etc., it is time for an immediate intervention.


Why does he stay when he knows he is destroying your mental health?

I guess I would ask: Why do you stay when you know he is destroying your mental health?


I do know it is not easy, nor convenient, to leave for awhile; yet, you must save yourself from this and set some boundaries with him. Let him know you will not stay and let him mistreat you. Neither will you stay and contribute to the unhealthy situation.


Is couples counseling an option for you two?


My heart truly goes out to you. I am going through a divorce, too. It is a very difficult time for anyone going through it.

I am challenging you to take control of yourself, take control of your part in this and demand more/better from him by making a move in a much healthier direction!


You cannot change him. You can only change yourself. Thus, it makes the most sense to put your time/energy into yourself at this time in your life.


I hope you can get some help for your anxiety; it is an awful thing to endure when having a tough time. I also hope you will protect yourself from such volatile environments and will be able to choose your behaviors --your actions and your reactions -- in a more mindful way. You will feel much better about yourself when you get enough distance to be able to choose your behaviors, instead of feeling so provoked, so overwhelmed, etc., and having knee-jerk reactions which only add to the unhealthy parts of the situation at this time.


I am glad you are reaching out! I hope you can find a way to extract yourself from what seems to be a toxic situation at this time, in hopes of negotiating a much more healthy environment for yourself in the near future.


Much Love