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I hate myself · 08:40 PM

I was checking to make sure I wasn't turned on and wasn't a pedophile, now I can't get the story out of my head! Its ingrained in my brain and it furthers my OCD thoughts and anxiety to max, it drives me up the wall to insane.. I am so scared of myself! I just want to rid myself of all sexual thoughts,

Possible trigger:

I don't want to touch little girls! I don't want to think their butts and vaginas are hot! I cannot live like this anymore, I literally cannot. I swear I will kill myself this time. I dont want to EVER be attracted to children, I am NOT turned on by naked kids at all, yet my past memories of masturbated to them.. I am done, I am done with my #######5 life. I hate sex, and I hate, hate, HATE children's genitals. I don't want to live with the anxiety constantly telling me to do dirty stuff I dont want to do, I dont want to masturbate and the intrusive thoughts of those "stories" come up in my head.. I am plauging this place up because of my venting.

I hate living like this. Im sorry, Im sorry I ever legitimately wanted to ######6 join Alice and Rindexxx for my ######6 hentai, Im sorry for my nonsense #######5 vents, im sorry I EVER ######6 MASTURBATED TO KIDS GENITALS FOR GOD KNOWS WHY DESPITE IT NOT EVEN/BARELY ######6 TURNING ME ON!!!

Society ######6 shoot me, shoot me in the ######6 head. A monster like me doesn't deserve life. A monster who wanted to be a part of CP forums for no reason, who masturbated to naked kids for no reason, who has anxiety inducing thoughts about it(literally destroyed march for me). I actually thought I wasn't a pedophile during those times. How ######6 funny. I think kids genitals are disgusting, they are small, ugly, and too hairless for me. What even drove me to masturbate to them, curiosity maybe? No, if I was curious it would be a one time thing, NOT A ######6 DAILY ROUTINE FOR 1 1/2 YEARS... The pictures were just kids, kids in normal situations, but naked. kids peeing outside, playing naked, or nudists. What is so "hot" about that? Kids literally 0-13 years old, why? why did I ever ######6 do that? I just want to know what is wrong with me and who I am... That's all... I kept trying to quit jacking off to those pictures in march, after that it basically stopped... but sometimes from summer to October, I jacked off to that $#%^ once or twice. I can't stop compulsively checking to make sure I am not turned on by kids, naked kids. I don't want to jack off to them again. I don't want to molest them. I deserve to die. I don't want to be a pedo, yet I know I pretty sure I am. And I cannot and WILL NEVER ######6 ACCEPT IT!