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seesaw · Jan 06, 2020 at 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBGR

I thought about why I am doing it, but cannot figure out a solution to it

Honestly, I do it because I find it exciting to do sexual stuff with women I don't know, because there is much more mystery about them and their bodies (in a sexual meaning)

For me sex is like 80% fantasy in the mind and only 20% the actual thing of having sex.

I can't say I really enjoy that much when escorts, or different women that I don't know, do oral sex to me. But the fact to explore their bodies and arrive to that thing, is something that I find very exciting.

When I see a woman that I find attractive in the town/on the streets (so dressed) I fantasize about her in a sexually manner.

But after I discover all her body and do something sexually, I loose a good proportion of my interest.

I can maintain my interest maybe only if I develop an "lust" (getting "in love") period.

That I had with my fiance.

When I make sex (love) with my fiance, is only about the pleasure and our connection. I enjoy it and I find it sweet. But it cannot replace the excitation I have doing sexual stuff with woman I don't know. Nor doing sex with strangers for sure cannot replace the sweet sex I do with my GF.

That's why I cannot find a solution to this problem of mine. And I really think that regardless of which woman I can be in a relationship with, I would have did the same (probably not only in the honeymoon period if I am "obsessed", in a good way, over the girlfriend - but I know this honeymoon period doesn't last very much, it s impossible)

I am not at the point this is on obsession to me - I am with my GF for almost 10 years and I cheated like that around 20 times. i know it sounds much, but if we divide it's like 2 times a year - and usually only 20 min at that's all.

And I don't thing that much about sex or obsess about it all my time

But I think however there is a problem. I would had preferred that I am different, of course. I also fear to not do it even more often, I actually want to stop it completely.

To find new vision in my life instead of thinking that much about women

To make a family with my fiance and stop doing this strange things I am doing (to actually stop wanting to do them, to not think about this anymore)

Do you want to stop? It sounds like you are a sex addict. The only way to stop this behavior is with professional help. There are also 12.step groups for sexual addiction.

And yes, you need to tell your fiancee everything, explicitly without assuming she knows. She has a right to know and to make her own decision if she wants to marry a sex addict or not. I'm not saying you should be single or get married, but your fiancee has a right to make her own decision on this without being lied to. And you have a responsibility to be honest and truthful with her about who you are, including the sexual addiction.

You can absolutely have a fulfilling relationship and marriage but you need to deal with your addiction first. I believe there is a sub forum here for sex addicts. That may be a place to start to get more specialized advice.

I'll ask again, do you want to stop? Or do you not see it as a problem? I think if your fiancee knew the true extent, she would have an issue with you visiting prostitutes and having affairs. I do think you are in denial. And that's okay. The first step is admitting you have a problem. So do you?