Thanks for this Beth. I will do what I can to help but don't know what?

I'm older than most of you . I've been married for 25 years to my second husband. Not my children's father. I divorced him when they were 5 and 6 and raised them alone. Their father abandoned them. They would sit on the steps waiting for him when he told them he was coming and he would not show. Very painful for them and for me.

I got a B.A. and an M.A. while working and raising them. It was hard on all of us but they had good child care and I devoted all of my free time to them. We lived in a good neighborhood and their lives were stable and full. They had extra curricular activities and summer camp . They knew they were loved and wanted.


My current husband and I married after they were grown. He has been a wonderful grandfather. Their father is out of the picture.

My children are 45 and 46 years old. My situation is similar to All of yours but different in that until about 4_5 years ago we all got along.

Both of my children and their children and even their exes visited often and had wonderful times together.
We have a large property and had motorcycles and a bike track. All of the grandkids learned to ride as young as four years old.

My daughter began to change about five years ago. It was likely earlier but I dint see it. She was so inappropriate and mean and we stopped getting together.

Two + years ago her two younger asked if they could stay with us because they became afraid of her drunken rages. We said yes and they stayed for several month and at Christmas time two years ago they went back home. My daughter was angry that we gave them shelter and that's when no contact began. She forbid them to see us.

My son is also estranged for nearly two years. Harder to explain this but it is a mutual d e decision based on his response to my being hospitalized for a physical illness. Similar to your story Beth.
There's more to it but right now and I have let him know what I would require in order to attempt reconciliation.

There is no possibility of reconciliation with my daughter while she is using drugs and alcohol. She is too irrational. So I do not try to make contact.

I saw my daughters ex husband today and he is involved with the children, they are young adults now. I feel relieved that he is present in their life and I may see them soon.

I expected my children to be in my life at this age. I am learning how to live with this unexpected turn of events. I would like to explore the different way that this unusual loss must be mourned
It is very complex.