I understand totally, my thoughts are racing really bad today and I am having continueous panic attack i feel as if my chest is going to blow up and I am so paranoid and feeling really worthless all at the same time. I see the (Pdoc) on Thursday I am not sure if I can make it till Thursday without cutting, I feel like I get to like day 5,6,7 lately and can't take it anymore without cutting, my (Pdoc) asked me at my last visit to promise her not to cut, I told her I can't promise something I can not do. She just nodded but I know she will be disappointed in me-I just want to stop cutting, I can still remember the first day I cut when I was 15- not sure why but for some reason something happened to me and I am still trying to put it all together. Sorry for venting, I just feel like I have no one anymore, no friends, estranged family members and a partner that thinks I can control these feelings- like I really want to be bipolar-i feel ashamed, i feel like i am not a good mother to my son, i have all these feelings and now i am in tears and on the verge of erasing this post - so many others have these feelings why should i waste the space, that someone else could use. sorry again im venting