One thing that has motivated me to try to stop was that I recognize that I can't ask more of my clients than I am willing to try myself. My T used to cut, and I know that if she were still doing it, or if she started again, that would be an instant excuse for me to go into a total relapse. It would be really bad. She mentioned eating chocolate for breakfast, and I instantly jumped to, well, if it's good enough for you, then I'm glad to know that's an acceptable alternative and I won't feel bad when I do it too. I don't want to be a hypocrit, and I can't responsibly overlook that kind of negative coping in myself or my clients.

But you can't do it for someone else. As long as I use cutting, I won't learn how to cope in positive or helpful ways. Cutting keeps me from getting better. I never have learned how or what it is like to be happy and functional. I keep getting closer. Cutting will keep me from getting there.