Most of us on here have struggled with self-esteem, and I'm still struggling with it too. I need to get back to the self-compassion exercises; I was away from it over the holidays and have been catching up on so many other things this week. They were working well for me and putting a wrench into the cycle of self-attack I was so accustomed to that it felt automatic.

Openly boating about STIs is bizarre, and not something that happens where I live. That might be unique to your area. But if it's the world capital of S&D porn, then there you have it.

Were you able to spend the holidays with your mom at least? Mine are always low-key, just with my parents and their cats and spending the whole day in pajamas.

Negative comparisons certainly will trash your self-esteem. Your extended family is feeding this toxicity. Loneliness is probably one of the most painful things a person can experience. Those on the spectrum have added challenges most NTs can never truly understand. We live in a culture of exclusion and rigid social hierarchy. Your area is probably the worst of it. The people there refuse to allow you a place to belong and find acceptance. But also keep some things in mind. Just because they put on a show of having lots of friends, and having fun with them, it's unlikely that they have any deep and meaningful connections. Sometimes the biggest party animals feel just as lonely and isolated as a recluse. Pain can feel isolating if you think that everyone else is happy and you alone are suffering. But suffering is universal. Some people hide it better than others, and extroverts will never admit to feeling lonely, but they do too. Our private pain when added to the global crises can make us feel so powerless. I'm fighting this too. But no one is completely without power. You're taking great steps in reaching out to the people on PC. Please don't be disgusted by yourself, and please don't feel there is no hope for the future. The world is a much better place with you in it.