Work, Eat, sleep, shower, repeat. That’s been my life for the last month or so. It isn’t much of a life and those around me just don’t seem to get it. Life isn’t supposed to be going through the motions and never able to truly feel happiness. I am more than aware that I am depressed. I know it won’t always feel this way but right now it does, and right now it’s affecting everything. Dismissing it doesn’t help, and being told to suck it up and deal with it like everyone else doesn’t do much for the self esteem either… seeing as I can’t seem to do that. All I do is sleep on my days off, and only get up to work, eat, sleep, shower, and repeat… as stated before. I don’t find pleasure in anything.

I need to make an appointment with my psychiatrist soon. I may need a tweak to my medicines, seeing as my anxiety is out of control and my depression is spiraling. It’s a new year and it’s already off to a pretty lousy start. In the end, I am really alone in all of this. I don’t have friends, my family doesn’t understand and belittle my feelings and well, I no longer have a spouse… not that she cared much anyway. It’s not a new development in my life, but I guess it’s just part of what makes it so damn hard, the loneliness.

There really isn’t much to say about any of it. My life doesn’t change and nothing ever happens. I’ve tried to go out and do things on days off, I even went as far as to dye my hair thinking “hey, a change is a change and maybe I’ll feel like a new person”… which I like my hair, it didn’t change anything on the inside of how I feel. I know I’m not myself , and I’m acting out in weird ways because of it but I’m trying to cope. I really am.

I guess that’s all I wanted to say. In the depths of your depressions, what helps you get through your day?