Hi guys,


Thanks in advance for helping me get to where I need to get!

I have been dating my partner for 7 months. We are both female. She is 28 and I am 36.


A little about her. She has history of open relationships. Every relationship she has been in ended up open at some point. She has also been very sexually adventurous and been a 3rd long term with several couples. I have no problem with this. Only wondered about the compatibility of expectation of me not wanting to be open and visa versa.


Myself. I've had quite the sexual past. However, when I'm in a relationship. I am committed and monogamous.


Her and I have amazing chemistry and get along like I have never before. She hits every darn characteristic and personality type that I want in my future partner, aside from dishonesty.


Moving forward, we were sleeping together for 2 weeks. I requested that we get checked and if we sleep together more we should not exchange bodily fluids with anyone else to be safe. I said if you exchange fluids with anyone else, to be safe, stop sleeping with me. At first, she said, I have only been with 2 people since her last test in April, a couple and they are clean. I said, no problem. For safety, lets both still get tested. So we did. Recently, she told me that she was still sleeping with people when we first started hanging out. I said really? I thought you were only with 2 people before we first started sleeping together? I caught her in a lie. It was actually 4 people. Which I could care less. But I really do care about lying.


Obviously catching this lie, I started to interrogate. After pressing her, she then admitted that (before we had our STD test & no body fluid swapped) she made out with someone at a club. She said she didn't know what I wanted from her and we hadn't discussed any details about being exclusive. I 100% understand that and AGREE! However, taking you back to that night and the types of conversations we would have. She was texting me sweet nothing, saying that she only has eyes for me. All she can think about is me. She can't wait to get back into town to see me etc throughout the night. Then in the morning texting me how she can't get home fast enough to see me. Sending me selfies. I then asked her, what if she went home with you. Would you have slept with her? She said no and kept on repeating no. I got off the phone with her.


She then text me. I am such a coward, I should have told you. I slept with her that night. She did come home with me. I was scared to tell you cause I'm so scared to loose you.


She then admitted that recently (while exclusive) at the club with friends, a girl tried to kiss her but she backed off. I said... A girl tried to kiss you? Girls don't just try to kiss people like that without some prior instigation. Tell me the truth. I had to pry it out of her that she was dancing with her and may have given her the signal that kissing was welcome. She said she was scared to tell me.


Normally, I would NEVER let this sort of stuff slide. Maybe Maybe it's because she so charming and says and does all the right things but everything aside from this is absolutely perfect... In every way! So I feel like I'm in a rock in a hard place right now. I've done my fair share of dating and I'm human. So I know we are ALL flawed and no one is perfect. However, trust and betraying are two vital components to a relationship. She claims EVERYTHING is all out on the table now and that she holds no more lies or dishonesty. She also said she is going to talk to someone about why she made these bad choices and figure out how to be a better version of herself.


Now I'm left with 3 choices:


1) Cut her off completely. I have moments of this.


2) Get to know her as a friend. She is a wonderful daughter, sister and friend. Treats her family and friends with such love and care. I would be silly to pass up a friendship like she has to offer.


3) This isn't a goal, but a possibility. Through the growth of friendship and her working on herself through counseling possibly SLOWLY rebuild trust.


I'm not too sure where to go from here but it would be awesome to hear people's experiences. Specially from professionals that understand human behaviors and patterns.


Everything above makes her sound so horrible. But she is indeed a very loving person who puts people first in many ways. She has a big heart and cares deeply about her friends and family. Shes very engaging with the people she loves and gives them her best self. She may just need to be in an open relationship but hasn't figured that out. Maybe the connection with me blinded her from her natural being.


Advice?