Am really struggling this morning and can use some help 😔. Idk why but I cannot shake the fear that I am going crazy.. I have been told by NUMEROUS doctors and therapists that I only have anxiety but I worry constantly that they're wrong and I have something worse and I'm not gonna be treated in time. I also have OCD which makes my fear of going crazy even worse because I suffer from intrusive thoughts..

So every night Ill wake up in the middle of the night and get random nonsense thoughts.. like last night as I was going to sleep I got the thought "your dad said to clean your necklace". Like just really weird nonsense thoughts that dont make sense.. and especially a thought saying "your dad" it's like someone else is telling me that but I know it's just my thoughts.. but it makes me feel like I am going crazy.. needless to say I couldn't get back to sleep.. I shook and tossed and turned until my alarm went off and my fiance had to calm me down. I'll also notice when I am bored I get these random nonsense thoughts or words as well.. yesterday i had it at work and i freaked out for the next hour until i got home and found something to keep my mind occupied.

I start CBT therapy this Friday but i am just so worried in the mean time. I'm afraid to go on medication because i had a horrible reaction to one about a year ago.. now I'm afraid to try any more. Idk what to do.. I know im not nor will I ever go crazy but I fear I will at the same time.. Can just really use some support 😔