I'm sorry you are struggling with all this crap, Hallie, I really am. Please do tell your T what is happening. People can't help if they don't know what the problem is.

I am in your situation regularly of late. One thing I have found that helps me is to first just stop judging myself. That is, stop being critical of the obvious fact that I cannot at present get very much done. I intentionally monitor my self-talk and correct myself when I find I am getting harsh on myself again. It is unfair and mean to expect the same things of us when we are really struggling as we can achieve when more well. Totally, completely unfair and wrong. So, don't do it. Watch this. It can help.

The other thing I try to do is to set tiny goals and pull them off. Thirsty, but really don't give a sh** an do not want to move? See if you can go get a drink. Maybe you can do that much. Too cold, maybe you can summon the courage to just maybe go turn up the heat. That's it. Little accomplishments. I find if I can string together a few little things, it does seem to help me build a tiny bit of momentum. Then, maybe I might be able to just make some tea and sit in my chair. If I can't do it, then fine, I can't do it. I can alwasy just get back in bed. But sometimes, I find a little tea and a blanket and my chair, and then, I can sit for a little while. Get through a few more minutes.

When I am really suicidal, I sometimes have to chop my day into, like, one-minute increments, just to get through it. I breathe, I pray. I clutch my bible to my chest. I do what I can to make it through the next minute. And when that is done, I do that again. Usually, after a little bit, I calm down a bit and begin to get some relief. Then, maybe, I can try to take it one hour at a time or so.

So, anyhoo, that's what I do. No idea if any of this will be of any use to you. But I hope you find something to bring you some peace tonight. Praying for you, Hallie.