I want to, a lot has happened (or not happened) in a search to at least treat it. There's definitely a part that's my fault, due to giving into panic I've missed many therapy sessions and a couple med appointments now, though not in a row. My insurance won't pay for my AP one day, will the next until I go get it and then there's a sudden issue with the insurance there. The AP I was prescribed anyway is more for people with major depressive disorder than anything else, so it leaves me without much confidence anyway. I have the remeron but haven't taken it, that truly just comes from a fear of antidepressants (I've never reacted well, usually end up psychotic and IP). I don't feel like my pdoc listens well anyway, though he at least doesn't seem as patronizing as my last one. There's a list of excuses, but the only two true reasons are: Myself and generally ****** healthcare where I live.