Oh I forgot to comment on your statement about the emotional state of the mother. I have yet to meet a perfect mother. I have never met a person whose childhood was without occasional strife.

I was at times depressed when my kids were young. Like you we talked. I took t them to see my therapist to help them understand..that it wasn't about them.

Lots of parents , especially when I was young explained nothing. Do as you are told was the rule. Yet somehow we did not abandon our parents or show total disrespect. We did not abandon our children when they were difficult. No one escapes childhood without some neurosis. As an adult one takes responsibility and finds their way. Yes, we never would have dreamed of abandoning our parents and they were more stern parents due to the ways of their generation. Now, this estrangement has become an option growing in popularity. The author talks about how our generation as parents gave our kids so much coddling, all the extra curricular lessons vs. the former generations where children worked the farm to help the family and contributed. Then the internet changed so much including their generation’s ability to empathize.

So no doubt we were flawed. We did nothing to deserve this. I know you do not think and did not say that our children are justified in doing what was done to us.
It's just that life is hard. Harder for some than others. I want to tell my kids to grow up! Sorry if I'm ranting.