Hello, I'm a survivor from sexual abuse as a child. Because of that I lived with waves of depression. I even experienced postpartum depression after having my last child. I thought I finally found my way away from depression, but then in 2018 I lost my father suddenly who I only had in my life for about 10 years, I never told him what happen to me as a child, but one day I wanted to. He was a great father for the years I had him, I just didn't want to him to think it was his fault from him abandoning us. But I never got the chance, I have since dealt with the grief, but now I just recently learned one of my children has a major health issue/defect. I also recently found love again after 4 long years of being removed from a toxic relationship. I find myself with a world wind of emotions, I could be sitting at my desk at work and just feel this urge to be mad and want to scream! Sometimes I don't want to go home to my children but there are days they make all those feelings go away. I feel at times my partner isn't giving me enough, but in reality I know he is, he is actually amazing nothing compared to my past relationship, but I feel nothing is ever enough or maybe I'm scared from my past abuse that I'm to consume of worry that he is going to leave me because of everything going on in my life. I find myself trying to make something out of nothing so I can have a reason just to be mad. I don't want to be mad all the time, I end up yelling at my kids just because they didn't do a simple chore or maybe the tone they choose to use at the moment. Am I depressed again?? Is this possible something else... I just want to be happy but this urge is slowly dragging me down. I fill my own head with negative thoughts as well that then put a large gray crowd over me and I just want to be left alone, ugh I don't know what to do