Quote:
Originally Posted by UnhappyDad
My wife and I have been married for 12+ years, together for a total of 16. Two amazing kids, ages 6 and 8. We very rarely fight, can't think of any significant parenting or financial conflicts, but we also never have the hard discussions and walk around a lot of the times on eggshells around each other. From my perspective the magic is gone. We haven't been intimate in a year and a half and even before that it was once or twice a year at most. For me, it isn't a medical issue because I am attracted to other women and fantasize about them, but have never crossed a line. The other day I told her sometimes I feel that we have stayed married only because we love our kids.
We agreed that we should go to therapy but I don't know what I want to get out of it. I'm unhappy and do not feel physically attracted to her anymore (she stays in shape but just isn't my physical type anymore). I'm no great catch or anything and am not necessarily looking for someone "better" but I am feeling the urge for something different.
As I type this I'm not exactly sure what the question I'm asking is or what kind of advice I'm looking for. I'm not a bad guy and can't stomach the idea of telling her I'm not physically attracted to her anymore and despite that I love our family unit, I am unhappy in general with our marriage.
I've been thinking about things too much lately and honestly if she told me she was interested in separating, I don't think I'd have a problem with it. I'm afraid what it would do to the kids but my selfish reaction would be, "ok, let's figure that out.."
Thanks in advance for any thoughts, whatever they may be.
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Your dealing with something alot of married people go through.
You don’t mention how you feel about your career.. are you happy /content or has your unhappiness worked its way into that also?
Walking on egg shells ? What kind of feelings are you having when your doing that or is that just a constant now. Is it possible that both of you as time has passed have built up
Resentment about each other?
Is there a reason intimacy stopped ? Was it a sudden thing or just over time?
When have you last had a complete physical exam with full lab work ? If it hasn’t been recent it would be wise to do so, sometimes thyroid, hormones or low testosterone can be part of the problem.
What about the possibility of you having depression? Or her ?
As for your not finding her physically attractive when you see other women are they younger or maybe older? Or dress differently , whatever catches your eye?
I honestly would rule out any possible physical problems , and talk to your Doctor about the possibility of having depression, it’s common for men to deal with long bouts of depression and not even think it could be possible.
I do also think couples counseling is worth a try, if it does come down to you both are just not happy then by staying in counseling it can help you both work together to make separation and divorce at least easier, yes divorce is tough on a husband and wife but also kids but the better you both manage through it the better for everyone.
I think it would also be wise to have your own Therapist so you can process what’s going on with your thoughts and hopes for the future.
Good luck
