Hello sinking,
Thank you for your new letter,
This last letter I felt it pretty determined in the context from the last ones, I don't know why, may be there was no other suitable answer for my last keys,
Before I start giving you my statement, I want to say thank you for your compliment, you said am I therapist? Well, I'm not, in fact wish I was one, so I could deal with my own issues!
Do u know that the establisher of the modern psychology (Sigmund Freud) he died after committed suicide.
I'm just an amateur, not comparing with Freud, only comparing with a therapist. A therapist is professional, has techniques, scientific method and oriented way and steps to deal with his patient.
The context of your new letter was different, at a least for me, you didn't touch the alien identity, and the male identity, well the male identity hasn't been touched a while ago by you, that's why I primarily concluded that you were leaning to the female identity,
So in your previous letter u declared that 65 to 70% feels woman, and the rest remaining feels like alien.
The new context was revealing, facts, ( you want to be a kid) that's why you hated your biological signs of growing up and you still hide them, revealed also accumulated experiences u said them before, it was in your childhood, for sure the experiences that u had in past have big influence on your gender dysphoria,
Since the biological element is still absent, I can tell that your childhood plays a role, ( family interference, CSA, environment, cartoons....)
I can tell that I found no keys this time, everything was clear to me,
You are a demigirl ( demigender classification) and you are a gender fluid within the genderqueer category,
You are existing in a way that may not align with heterosexual or homosexual norms. According to your sexual orientation, and your physical aspect that you want to have,
You are falling in between, and among one gender category woman and alien, you are fluid, meaning it can shift and change at any given time.
Usually genderqueer persons are fluid between two gender categories ( woman and man)
U said before there would be case you need (boyfriend, hubby, kids) the question is: in your current case ( you don't need anybody mode) you wear comfy sporty, no jewelry...are you an alien in this mode ( a brain inside casual body)?
Clearly you are gender fluid between woman and alien, so I think that the biological factor influences on you,
My second question is: what are the moments you are 70% woman, and moments 30% alien?
My third question: since you don't care how people looks at you, sees you, or may think of you when you wear comfy and you hide your breasts....coz no matter u do you can't hide your feminine aspect, so what makes you feel ashamed to ask for blood hormones test? How come you don't care how people may think of you and you care about what the doctors may think of you when you ask for blood hormones test?. Let's claim your blood test reveals that your body contains testosterone level higher than estrogen (female hormone) level,
Would you feel shy that the doctor may think for example ( look at this freak! Or what a lady-boy is this one!!!)?