Tisha
Thank you for understanding my point. I know I had issues. Who doesn't?.

I regret trying as hard as I have to be "fair" and to hear my adult children's complaints. I was so shocked when I heard that they had concerns I needed to know what they were!

So what were they? I was gone too much. They don't suggest I was out dancing! They acknowledge that I was working or attending class.

My son said I should have gotten married! Imagine! He thought he was entitled to make that decision for me! He remembered a man I was dating who wanted to marry me, when my son was 8 years old. Ahem. He was an attorney.
What my son did not know is he got lost in cocaine. I did not use drugs. In fact no one who knew him then knows where he is now.
These excuses your son gave seem radically disproportionate. Did he imply that because you worked’too much’ you didn’t give him enough attention to really bond into a lasting relationship? Did he imply that you should have gotten married so he had a male role model? Is he trying to tell you he felt neglected and was he? Was he emotionally not given enough attention in reality or even just in his own mind? Did you thoroughly discuss this with him? Could the relationship be built up and improved with the now adult son? I think estrangement is extreme and his comments don’t seem reasonable. What do you think is really going on with him?
Should have seen my son's face when I told him that! I did not share that with an eight year old.

So, I worked too hard. I did not make enough money. I chose to remain single.

My daughter's complaints are more in the present. My husband and I did so much for her. After I was hospitalized in 2015 with a serious health issue. I almost died. We began doing less for her. In fact I even asked her to drive me to an appointment a few times. She did so one time. Then suddenly was too busy.
Then she said she did not want to see me anymore.
What really happened in her mind? Again, these are not reasonable reasons. Could it be she was so upset at nearly losing you that she abandoned you? I know that sounds illogical but maybe that’s her issue? Was everything really discussed with her and can this relationship be repaired?She is using alcohol to maladaptively cope. Is she blaming you for her issues? Kids do that. It’s got to be all mom’s fault to them.
Basically I was requiring some of her time. She drinks a lot and it has gotten worse in the past five years. I pray that she hits bottom.

Both of my children when asked have stated that they felt loved and safe.

I wish I could tell them how I feel. I never have. I think it's a bad idea so I have not.