Thank you for this. This has been going on for five years. I did make attempts to resolve things with them. I listened and agreed that life was difficult. I was completely alone as were they. I had no extended family at the time. Their father showed up to see them once or twice a year. I left their father and he could not cope so he abandoned his children. I can't imagine not seeing my children except once a year.

This created a very difficult situation. I was gone a lot and they had wonderful child care givers but no family. It would have helped so much to have a sibling or anyone. So yes they suffered and their emotional needs were not always met.

My son and I made a decision to work on reconnecting, although as a young adult he was at our home often. We agreed to certain things and it was going well until I was hospitalized again. Things fell apart badly. I was again seriously physically ill.

Perhaps the fear of losing me is a factor. I'm all they ever had. But he withdrew and has no desire to see me. It makes no sense I agree. His reasoning is so superficial? He is 46 years old remember. I believe the ball is in their court. Of course I have not shared all of the details but he was cruel beyond belief when I was in the hospital and ... I think he needs to come to me.

I think his behavior is based in extreme self centeredness and I can no longer justify coddling him. It's time he gives to me. I have always given and I think that is the reason for his attitude.

I'm open to contacting both of them at some point. When and what to say is one of the things I intend to explore here.

I'm so happy that you are working out things with your son. I have forgiven and begun anew repeatedly with both of my children. I give and give. I need them to give back now.