Woah, Franco supporters! Nope, no explanation needed of why it's hard to get along with them. Nor is any explanation of their views.

People on the spectrum can be just as big of assholes as anybody else. Highly extroverted NTs certainly don't have the monopoly on that.

Difficulty with emotional expression is a part of ASD; that isn't unusual in your case. Difficulty with memory and concentration are part of depression, anxiety, and OCD. Once you're able to do so, journaling is a good way to help get things out and put them into perspective. One of the self-compassion exercises involves writing things out and then writing a letter back to yourself in the form of a supportive friend. It helps to objectively analyze the issue for what it is, and place yourself into the third person. One of the biggest traps of mental illness is being stuck in the feelings and swept away by them. It leads to a false sense of isolation, that we're the only ones feeling the way we do. Placing it in the third person, as well as reading the posts on sites like this, makes us realize that our pain unites us because it's something every human being is capable of feeling. Our pain is not unique, and does not define who we are. It's just something we're all capable of feeling. That certainly isn't intended as a statement to trivialize anyone's experiences or trauma; it's just that we aren't at all alone in what we feel, even though it can seem that way when we're wrapped up in it. I was there for decades so I'm not judging anybody, just speaking from experience.

The turning of a new year can trigger both hope and despair. I was feeling it too with my job prospects. It has eased by focusing on bigger things like the coming election, plus keeping my eyes open for possibilities, and seeking community connections.

Constantly comparing yourself to others only leads to feeling superior or inferior to others, and either way is unhealthy and possibly dangerous. You can only compare you to you. Nobody else has had exactly your combination of experiences. We all share the same capacity for feeling, but everyone has unique challenges others may not face. And time only moves in one direction in a 4-dimensional universe.

I'm glad that you're feeling a little calmer. You're right in saying life doesn't always give us concrete evidence. It's murky and uncertain much of the time and people can disagree on the most fundamental interpretations of what's happening. It makes it even harder that we're living through such an uncertain time. The future is only uncertain because that chapter hasn't been written yet. We all play a role in the words that will be on that page. I handle it by living my values and keeping my eyes open for new opportunities. Other people handle it in various ways, some of them healthy and some of them not.

Thought spirals can quickly suck us down like quicksand. I've been there too. If the support group here and the self-help resources aren't helping you as much as you'd like, then counseling or medication might be necessary for you. Those don't have to be permanent things, just long enough to help break that cycle.