Although this thread involves the death of someone I knew, I am not posting it in the grief forum because I feel it fits better here. This person was on the periphery of my life and my connection with him was professional you could say, so it is not grief as such I am feeling.

I have volunteered for many years with the elderly, it is very rewarding and uplifting although it has its challenges. I guess the main one is that a high number of our people leave us by their deaths and that's sad. In fact over the years there have been many wonderful people who we have said goodbye to. It's not like a personal bereavement which is deep and raw but you do get to care for them, some more than others because some people just connect more than others.

For many years a man I'll call W came to us, he was a gentle soul with lifelong learning difficulties. His life had not been the easiest but he was a trier and he came to us every week and enjoyed his time with us. I would sit with him every time and he would talk through his anxieties with me because he had quite a few. He needed gentle handling but he was so sweet and had such a lovely humour.

Anyhow 2 years or so ago he stopped coming, we don't have their contact details for data protection, only staff at the charity can access. It happens quite often that we never hear again until we might hear of a death eventually. We did ask after him but were told the charity did not have information on him but he had been ill.

Today I was checking the online family notices for someone else that we know who died recently and I thought I'd check his name. He died a year ago and we didn't even know.

Realistically I know it was out of our remit, and that if information was not given we could not have known. I do feel a strange sadness though. He was scared of the dark and I just hope he was not scared at the end. I am sad he stopped coming to us and that he disappeared.

Like I say it isn't grief as such. Just a sadness. I feel bad I could go a year without knowing what happened to W. I am not sure if I should tell the other volunteers or if they would be better off not knowing. I kind of wish I hadn't found out.