You sound like a wonderful person. Growing up, books were my solace and comfort. My dad took me to the library regularly; I was given a lot of books growing up and I read everything I could get my hands on. Books educate. That you read so much may have helped you score so high on that test. They provide a fantasy world we can escape to. I think it's great that you love reading and Christian music.

Triggers. My POV is the triggers are things in my life we need to process and grieve. With all you have been through, it is going to take a while. I went through a depression that lasted years and did have to get help (a therapist and psychiatrist) but am mostly no longer depressed and anxious. I had to learn how to understand my deep down feelings and what was causing them. I had to (this one is a life long process) try to figure out my deepest desires and work towards my dreams--not others expections. Life is a growing process. Eventually, what you are going through will put you on the path you were meant to be on. Since you listen to Christian music, perhaps you believe in God? If you do, pray for guidance and healing. I believe we were all put here for a reason. Look for your life purpose. I believe there is a reason we go through challenging things. Find the lessons from the challenging things you have been through. Yes, it can be so unclear but life is about unraveling mysteries. It can get better if you take the time to care for yourself and get help for your depression.