I know I have a wall around the death of my mother at age 4 and then the death of my father 11 years ago. I am going to West Point at the end of this month to visit their grave. I have a letter to read a song to play. I also am leaving a "worry stone" my father gave me on the grave as a symbol that my pain is gone.

I am going to breakdown really hard and I need to be alone for a bit. I have never really mourned them and this is when I really need to because I am super emotional about everything.

My wife says she never cried before she fell in love with me and I actually hadn't either, but now it is just out of control and need to release it.

Maybe I wasn't emotional before because I did not think I was allowed to be.