Hi, I have a problem that i am not sure this is the right category to post to. For the last 10 years I have done nothing towards my career, its not like i dont want to but I cant focus on it regularly. I dont know how to explain, like I put good effort for like 3-4 days and then for the next 2 months I just waste time. The thing is I cant control this no matter how much I try but I cant I just freeze whenever i try to do something meaningful.

I did some freelance work over the years but lost so many opportunities due to this chronic procrastination or apathy sort of thing. I dont know what problem i have, I did some research and found these 2 problems.

Initially I used to thought, its because of video game addiction, social media and binge watching web series but 3 years ago I blocked all of these sources of gratification using a software but then I just kept staring at google homepage or google news constantly clicking and reading news.

I did improve alot for 2-3 months after reading a self help book but the same problem started again. I thought i would never go back to old ways i was so sure but it all went to vain.

Sorry for the long post but i am so fedup with this that i want to end my life but cant because when i think of my parents that option doesnt feel right. I cant even die.

Now my freelance career is also almost finished because I botched so many projects because of this problem. Now I need a job but for that I need to develop some more skills but I cant because of this problem.

What is wrong with me??

I am from india and its still a taboo to go to psychologist or something here where i live. Also i am afraid that i will become mad or something by taking medicines because i have seen people who go to them here gets worse.

The thing is I dont know what exactly is wrong with me, so if someone can help me just please let me know a term that can define my problem so i can research it further.