So sorry you are hurting. These things are so very difficult. I had a breakup almost twenty years ago with a girl I should not have been with and yet, I loved her like crazy. I think about her every day, but it does not hurt anymore. What I can tell you is, it does get better, but it will take a lot longer if you continue hoping for a reconciliation that looks very unlikely right now, just looking honestly at the situation. You need to look to your own future. Sending you hugs and support.