This is going to be a weird post. It's something I've dealt with for a long time.

I'm a very creative person, I'm into art and writing, and so I've always created characters for my stories and whatnot. You see where this is going probably.

I've had a character for about eight years that has developed and changed so much that they are very good, and very realistic, and I wish desperately she was real. It hurts. I know how lonely this sounds. I'm working on a series right now and become very immersed while I'm writing, and when I come back to real life I'm really frustrated that she isn't real, because in my mind she is so vivid and 'there'. No, I'm not crazy or seeing or hearing things--she is just such a realistic character to me that she may as well step out of my brain and live her own life.

Anyways, I am really attached to the character, to the point where if I think about it too hard I start to feel a hole in my life. I know this is unhealthy. It's not always this bad, for a few years I was better, but lately it's bad again.

I should also mention that I would almost class myself as a maladaptive daydreamer. When i was younger I used to lay in bed for hours and hours just daydreaming. Now I do this while running/exercising, so at least it's a little healthier (hah), but barely.

I think, what I really need or want is a strong connection with someone. When I have a person like that in my life this eases, I know it's a coping mechanism. It's just hard right now. I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't know if this is the right forum, I'm putting it here because I wish I could have a relationship with someone just like her, and because it's something that comes and goes with my real relationships.

Thanks for reading this garbage fire haha.