I definitely think if you lower your expectations but keep your standards where they are (high) then you will easily weed out the 'wrong' types of people whom you go to for guidance or support or friendship.

I think you should lower your own standards of yourself, because you are smart and know that perfectionism is the death knell to happiness. Perfectionism is when a person strives for high standards for themselves or others, despite the negative consequences. And there are always negative consequences with perfectionism.



For example, I used to think my value was only in what I could give to people. That's the pattern my perfectionistic and overbearing mother set for my siblings and myself. We were not taught that our value and self-esteem is internal. We were taught that our value and self-esteem were created externally. The whole reward and punishment system of discipline.

So, I grew up with this toxic-belief that my self-esteem and value came from feedback given to me by others based on how well I performed for others. That is one form of perfectionism. I would offer to do things for people hoping that would make them like me. I did that in kindergarten, elementary school, high school, college, and all of my adulthood. Do you know how long it took me to finally see that the people who liked me for doing things for them, didn't really want a real friendship from me.

A long time. Failed friendship after failed friendship. Failed romantic relationships. I basically wore my low-self esteem like a Prada label for everyone to see. So, the advantage takers used me, and the healthy people avoided me. I was like a thrift shop friend. I came used. Nobody wants to take that on. I know I don't. As terrible as it sounds. But I did. I took on thrifted friendships and romantic relationships, thinking if I helped them in some way, they'd like me for me. Never happened.

Had I prioritized myself (not in a self-serving way) and my needs over other people's, my life would look 100% different today. So, perfectionism if left unchecked, can literally ruin our own lives. We can't blame anyone else for it, because it's own our misguided projection that colors the way we interact with the world. No one is devoid of perfectionism. We all have it.