I have a question. Among the parents who are suffering over the loss of a close relationship with your adult child, does it help to discover that this more common than you previously knew?

I've found that grief has many facets. Th longing for the lost loved one, the confusion over why or anger at the person who left or at God. Also, there was for me a question for the first 2-3 years years as to what I did wrong? Of course I did some things wrong but if I am the only parent experiencing this I must have been despicable. I don't know anyone e else who is dealing with this and it might just be that it is not spoken about.

I seriously questioned my sanity. I telephoned friends who were at my home often while my children were young and asked them questions.

Do you remember me yelling at my kids a lot.
Was there a lot of conflict
Did I ever do anything that you remember was just over the top awful

My friends were honest. One remembered an argument he overheard between my son and I when he was 12. My friend said we were shouting. He added that my son had done something not ok and my anger seemed unusual but not extreme for the situation. He added that it was the only incident he recalled in 12 years that we were close friends.

Others said I seemed too lenient in her opinion.

My point being that I was trying to make sense of a very strange outcome. Why were my children no longer behaving as if they love me?

If this is a trend. If it is happening to some degree all over the world then maybe that gives me some way to understand it.

I do feel genuine compassion for my children because they are missing out on a relationship with their mother and that is sad.

My mother was very rejecting if me. When I was able to see her I loved seeing her. She was my mother. She made amends with me ( sort of) before she passed but I would never have been unkind to her or spoken a harsh word. I forgave her instantly and in truth I had never held it against her. I found peace in acceptance. I stopped wanting more than she could give.

I hope we can all find that same kind of peace in regards to our children's choices whatever they might be.