I really felt like I was on LSD last night. It was because of the 3 glasses of wine that I had. It was like a calm panic attack that lasted 2-3 hours.
I was hearing voices of my moms friend with bipolar cuz she has such a strong personality but it wasn’t like “hearing” voices.. it was like “Being” voices.. Like I WAS her.. And I had a song stuck in my head before it happened.. That’s when I knew something was really wrong..
It was like I was becoming everyone that was at the birthday party I went to.. I needed to DREAM it all out. So I took 0.5mg xanax 3 times and finally went to sleep but my stomach was gurgling and heart pumping I thought I had the norovirus cuz someone went home sick with it at the party but it wasn’t that.
It was a horrible experience. It will probably happen again if I stay up too late. I’m sick of having to sleep 12 hours to avoid this torture. But whatever.. I’m supposed to be tortured.
And my cat starts acting like how she does on my bad trip when I dissociate. My sisters cat doesn’t act like that. It’s a horrible WEIRD thing that happens with my cat. I put her with a feeling of “WTF… WTF IS THIS?”. I think, “OK go to sleep” then I think “What IS sleep?”. ****. When my foot got caught under the covers, I thought that was God. When there was a cat hair stuck to the covers brushing against my face, I thought that was God. When I put a xanax under my tongue and lost it in my mouth, that was God.
It happened when the Vyvanse wore off because I’m more likely to dissociate when I can’t focus.
When it happens, I check my pulse and open my mouth like I’m dead. I had visions of how when I saw a video of a
I thought I was having an EGO death and I was going to pass out because of the torture that I was experiencing. My eye’s look upwards to the ceiling and I don’t remember where everything is. Objects in my room become something that I can’t comprehend anymore.
My panic attacks are caused by my bad trip (Ego death from psychedelics) which cause identity depersonalization and derealization (Dissociation), leading to panic attacks from Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD).
I never had a dissociative panic attack since about 8 months ago when I took my last dose of 50mg ketamine (I was using 50mg a week for depression for 4 months. I had no derealization or depersonalization from the previous doses but I had a euphoric dissociation).