So T is going on vacation next week. We have 2 apts set up this week, tonight and thursday. For some reason yesterday i sent her an email and said i wont be able to see her this week. I said its too hard to say goodbye so i'm saying it now. I've been having a really hard time and for some reason i'm having a hard time that she's going away. I feel stupid for canceling this week when i really want to see her. but also i meant what i said in that i don't want to say goodbye on thursday and i'm glad i got it out of the way. i'll miss her, i'm a wreck already and she didn't even leave yet. I'm the one that left. what the heck?