Double kudos to you for posting while feeling vulnerable and nervous then!

You sound busy. I was just wondering if the reason you were struggling was bc you had to much time on your hands.

Is your Mom not in your life anymore? I'm sorry to hear that.

When you're not so focused in school, try therapy. It could help. Connection, deep connection, can be hard to come by, and its not perfect when you have it. Relationships aren't perfect, come with conflict that we need to problem solve....

I sometimes, and this is new for me, say to myself what I LIKE about a person or social situation I struggle with. You could try that about all your relationships and connections. Write it down if you want in a journal. Just a suggestion bc it appears you're searching and striving for what will never be (perfection). What about connecting with yourself as well? I think a good therapist could probably help better than, say, me. I'm happy to try though! Also I wonder, since this character is making you happy but also deeply sad, I wonder if taking a break from her would help? What do you think?

No I don't think you sound crazy. To me, its rather unique sounding, yes. But you mentioned something about possible maladaptive daydreaming, and maybe you're onto something.

My dream woman is the protagonist's love interest in my novel. She has every quality I could ever hope for in a partner. Smart, strong, funny, loyal, fierce, good at what she does, devoted. Cunning. On and on. She does not exist. I have never found an actual woman who satisfies this archetype.

But when I need to feel good about women again, I just go and read my book. It always provides an escape and I always feel better imagining what it would be like if Rory Halsted really existed.

@SoSorry7735 Wow. So very Johnny Depp a la his movie I'm teasing. I think we all have archetypes (thanks bpcyclist) of our ideal romantic partner.

My ideal archetype is The Magician as described here.