@LilyMop it's programming. Our parents' dysfunctional parental behavior programmed our socialization skills as children. We learned what we know from them as our role models. That's what I think anyway. The pattern of codependency is so difficult to break. I still do it. And I don't like that about myself. At least I'm self-aware of it now whereas I didn't have a name for it in my 20s despite some therapy back then (so, terrible therapists perhaps for not recognizing it). I still have to go back to my Melody Beattie resources for codependency. It's really a lifelong pattern of damaging behavior with relationships. The hardest part for me, is nurturing myself. That's still not something I'm used to doing. I can help everyone else, no problem. But myself? That's the struggle.