I'm sorry I don't really have any answers to give you with regard to your post. But I noticed you had yet to receive a reply. So I thought I would write one.

I recall replying to a previous thread you started on this subject. In the current post you wrote the fantasies you have don't negatively affect your life. And they're not interfering with your daily activities. So the question seems to be more one of curiosity regarding why one would have these kinds of fantasies... what would cause a person to develop them to begin with.

Unfortunately, I believe the answer to that is no one knows. Kinks & fetishes are not generally considered to be problematic themselves as long as they don't lead a person into unlawful activity. And so there has not been, as I understand it, a lot of research that has been done with regard to them. I do understand, though, the desire to know where such things come from & why a person might develop such predilections.

I myself am a old man. But I waged a life-long struggle with my gender identity. Some of my earliest memories of life revolve around this. I'd dearly love to understand what caused it. (The current theory is that being transgender is something that develops in-utero. But I'm not sure I really accept that. At least not in my case.) The fact is, though, I'll never know what caused it (or any of the additional problems that came along with it.) And that's simply something I have to accept. I suspect that may be the way it will have to be for you too.