If there is one thing i want desperately to get rid of, it is being gay. I dont want to accept it, i do want to change it, because it is simply wrong. Now many secular paychologists say you cant cure it. But why was it then a disorder not long ago? But i tried to pray it away too. I tried to pray everyday that God will cast the demons out, and make this spiritual sickness go away. But it simply doesnt. Maybe im not worthy, not holy enough? Maybe im still too sinful for that? Should i try to pray even harder? Maybe a conversion therapy could get rid of it? Because its making me suicidal. Is there a reason god wont make it go away? Its a spiritual sickness after all, god does not approve of it. But honestly i want to go even farther. I want all sinful sexual desires to go away. Do i need a specific prayer for that? Or why doesnt it work? I just want to be normal, and have later a normal family with kids, just as god commands me to do. But why does god hate me?