Hi. I'm new to the forums but not new to depression. I'm having a really bad day and needed to "talk" to someone other than my family and friends so thought I'd try this. In a nutshell, I'm just so sad today and I can't stop crying or wondering when life is going to get better. I'm on a leave of absence from work (a job that most definately ended up not being the dream job I thought it would be), am by myself a lot and often just don't have the ability or desire to look for a new job, be around people, etc. My family, esp. my Mom, is so worried about me and trying to tell her to not worry is like talking to a brick wall. She doesn't seem to recogonize that constantly asking me if I'm OK, is there anything she can do, etc. etc. DOES NOT HELP!!! I just feel guilty that I'm doing this to her. As a side note, my father was clinicly depressed for several years and while what I'm going through is different than what he had, there are enough similarities that it brings back a lot of memories for all of us. I just feel horrible and want to stop feeling sad and guilty and disappointed and everything else that goes with depression (I'm not suicidal). On top of it all, my sister's baby shower is this Sat, and I'm "MCing" it and am terrified I won't be able to put on the happy face I need to for the day. I just don't know what to do. I want to stop feeling OK one day (or half day, or hour...) and then completly sad the next. Why in the world God lets people go through this is far beyond me. I just want to feel better. Is that too much to ask???