So some details about what happened.
I was very, very drunk and texted that guy and asked him to come over. He always told nothing will happened without my wish. He lied. Yes, we had sex. I hated it. I felt hurt, disgusted, and it lasted forever.
Now he keeps texting me and asking what happened.
I hate myself. It's my fault.
As you remember, almost the same situation happened about half of a year ago.
Why am I doing that again? Why am I so stupid?
I have no idea how to tell you IRL. Will you hate me?

You always told I can contact you or ask for an extra session in case of emergency, but it's not emergency. It's only my fault.
See you after 8 days (If I survive).
How to tell you, how?
Also I quitted my meds. You'll be disappointed