I am trying to deal with being alone. As a young man I was a maverick, happy and successful always moving learning and loving life. I have been in several relationships throughout my life, only one which would have worked for me but I ended it. My most recent relationship ending 5 years ago I truly wanted, we have a daughter 10 and were together 7 years. I am very afraid of marriage, although my parents were together for life following a European tradition, I grew up seeing divorce as a serious sickness in America all around me. My childs mom suffers from BPD and takes meds daily. She left 3 times and finally with my child without any warning. I did not know what BPD was until after she left. We never fought, she having a very passive, quiet personality. Her temperament seemed to be lost at least once a year which would force her to leave without saying or even arguing after being a wonderful person. Her last reason (there is always a new one) was marriage, since I told her that I wanted to wait only because I wanted her to be sure she could stay without running. I explained that I do not understand why a person needs to be married to someone they can abandon in a moments notice. I have never chased a person for material gain even when I had the opportunity to marry in extreme wealth. I am 60 now and alone and for the first time feeling the stress from it and waking each day in a sort of depression. I do not believe in marriage and can only live without it realizing now how divisive it has become in the hands of the state which has increased its numbers now to epidemic proportions and affecting each generation of children even more in negative ways The religious reasons for it are gone and I cannot support it . I am monogamous, loyal and loving, caring and devoted but I know that these days that is not enough. Despite my pain I know I am part of a growing society of people In the same boat. God, I don't want to start taking meds