Perna,

That's what I'm thinking...that I need to look at these behaviors and how they're bothering me. I know I'll never, ever be able to live with this guy. First, we're both in different cities and no way would I give up my job to move even just the short distance back to my old town. (We maintained the relationship, we started it when we lived in the same town.)

I just keep looking in my heart and thinking I can't do that. I know things he does and says like the waste stuff isn't meant as criticism or insult, but in the example about my cooking...I kept thinking..."don't you do ANYTHING just for the sheer joy of it?" That's cooking to me. Heck, I've been known just to put together a stew or pan of lasagne just to deliver to friends or family just because i like doing it.

It just seems to me I'd feel like I am stuck in the mud if I'd be in his shoes...looking at a bunch of old boxes and thinking who to give all that stuff away to. We did this exercise for a weekend recently. He had stuff like old A/B switch boxes and computer cable and 30 year old books with mold on them--and he's asking his kids to take it instead of throwing it out. And then he's upset when they don't take it right away or they "forget."

I could go on and on about incidents like described here and it only reinforces what I'm feeling and thinking. Still, I feel like in a quandry. Do I want to let these "traits" get to me enough to give up a relationship? It's not all one-sided and I'm sure my lack of a box frustrates him. And we do get along well. And if he's not worried about "saving or wasting," he can have a good time and just relax--heck put him on his motorcycle and none of that crosses his mind.