I've had severe mental illness for about 28 years. In my early years of dealing with it I actually did quite well as far as making money and being a productive part of society. Eventually I got diabetes from taking the meds, and I quit work indefinitely. I couldn't function very well. Since then, the routine of living off of disability has trained me to stay in a lazy type of funk. I gained a bunch of weight. I have severe bouts of depression. I'm stuck in a cycle I can't break.

I know some of this isn't my fault. I was a hard worker before I got this stuff. But the years off work hasn't really been that good for me. I want to be doing something but I don't know if I'll have the stamina or discipline to keep at it.

Is it my fault? Or do I blame it on the mental illness? Maybe a little of each? I don't know really how I should be feeling about it.