Hey guys,
How is everyone?

At the close of 2019, I had this powerful urge to forgive my boyfriend for everything he put me through during our relationship. I was doing it for myself and for my sanity; Holding the grudges of everything from the past was ruining who I was. Once I forgave him, I felt a huge weight lift from my soul and I felt I was happy-- this lasted a few weeks.
Recently, negative thoughts have increasingly become stronger within my own mind, just constant reminders of the past and little nagging thoughts that say "You were never good enough, that's why he cheated on you. That's why he flirted with xyz. She's slimmer than you, she has more friends, etc."
I was able to push these down by reciting my own forgiveness mantra but that doesn't work anymore. I just feel numb now.
Exercising is a temporary relief but everything just comes back.
I don't know what to do to help myself anymore.

I love my boyfriend immensely and I don't believe that I'm unhappy with him or our relationship. He's been wonderful and there for me.
Why does it feel like I still want him to voice his regret? He readily apologizes without any ask, he's truly changed. I don't regret my decision to forgive him.

What can I do to change as much as he has? I don't want to hold us or myself back anymore.