Quote:
Originally Posted by WishToHelp
My fiance' was recently diagnosed with DID and I need to know how to react when he dissociates and goes into one of his evil alters.
He has always been an extremely kind and loving individual but occasionally a truly mean alter will come through to insult me. I definitely know this is NOT my fiance' just by looking into his eyes.
I just need to know how to respond to alters that are mean and disrespectful.
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question how did you react to him before he was diagnosed. how did you react to him when you were dating, how did you react to him when you first met...
reason I asked those questions is to point out to you nothing has changed. DID is not a cold or flu that suddenly like a virus or bacteria appears one day.
DID is a life long mental disorder that begins before a person is 5 years old. getting the diagnosis just puts a name on whats been happening all that persons life.
just because he didn't get diagnosed til now doesn't mean he wasn't DID. so for example your first date this guy was probably dissociating when you did not know it, when you and he were together watching tv or a movie or doing an activity he was already dissociating, when you were eating together doing the getting busy and so forth you were already experiencing his dissociating.
the only difference now is that you have a disorder name that explains how he has been all his life time.
my suggestion you have two options …
you can accept that he is a dissociative and continue to treat him as your friend and go on like you always have
or you can do what many people do start needlessly worry and reacting differently to him which 9 times out of ten ends up slowly crashing the relationship because the two of you will constantly be on edge trying to second guess and so forth.
getting a diagnosis doesn't change anything other than puts a name on how a person has always been in every aspect of their lifes.
what will change is with treatment he wont be dissociating because he will be learning how to stay grounded in this present moment rather than dissociating every time he gets triggered.
for your self you can enter therapy to learn how you can handle in your mind the fact that from very early childhood his way of handling things that trigger and upset him is by dissociating.
you can use google and your local library to learn about DID (Im sorry we cant provide you with websites. Psych central does have tabs at the top of the page you can click on to help you learn about DID.)
you can also ask to be part of his therapy sessions where he will be working with a therapist or psychiatrist to learn how to not dissociate. to face his problems head on instead of mentally running away from his problems and triggers.