Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
@ thought_pool, I'd like to understand the history of your relationship..... when you say, everything he put you through, what else has he done that has caused you pain in the history of your relationship?
And as I understand you, he cheated, but you decided to stay with him? I am curious why you decided to stay after he cheated? And after what seems like potentially a longer history of issues?
Here's are the truths about cheating: it ruins and breaks trust. It creates mistrust, anxiety and insecurity in the person who was cheated on, just as you are having now. The thoughts that you have, "why wasn't I good enough", are the emotional repercussions of the action of cheating.
Those thoughts may never leave you while you are in this relationship. You may always carry a fear in your mind that he may cheat again, OR that you are not good enough to satisfy him.
The question you have to ask yourself is: Do you want to continue to live like that?
Cheating has both short and long-term consequences, and mainly for the person who was cheated on.
Is he really worth it? Are you willing to endure those types of thoughts for potentially a very long time? Are you willing to sacrifice your sense of 'emotional safety' and 'emotional security' for this man? |
There has been a lot of emotional manipulation, harsh words, cold attitudes, broken promises and lies on his part and a lot of rage, sadness and threats of leaving on mine. I don't want to sound prideful but I really have done my best to be the best partner I could, having learned from past failed relationships. Truly feeling like this was the man for me, I presented my best self.
I stayed because we have a deep connection to each other, regardless of what we've been through. He had a lot of growing up to do and unfortunately, I had to experience it and I felt that I was the one to push him through that transition.
He is truly my best friend and a wonderful, kind hearted person. The disgusting, mean parts of him lasted for just one year. After he made his mistake, he got better but not completely because I don't feel as though he was totally honest with himself until we went to counseling.
I understand that those thoughts are the results of what was done to me-- but isn't it in my own power to change my narrative?
That's what I'd like to learn.
I know that I am better than what I am telling myself.
I feel safe with him, emotionally and physically and am confident he would never do this again. I've never seen him cry so much before.